Boarder by the Minute
by HeyArnoldFanatic55
Summary: When Helga moves away from Hillwood and then gets lost, she never expects Arnold will offer her a HOME in the BOARDING HOUSE. And the two are in for a few big surprises...
1. Helga Moves

Boarder By the Minute

**_NOTE: THIS WAS WRITTEN AS IF THE MOVIE HAD NEVER HAPPENED._**

Helga stood in the rain as she waited for her dad to load all his things. She wished her dad hadn't lost his beeper job. Otherwise she still might be with Arnold. If she had known she was going to leave, she would have told Arnold her secret. It's not like she'd hear from him again.

Wet, cold, and dirty, Helga finally climbed in the back of her dad's car. She buckled her seatbelt, and off they went. I can't just leave everything I love behind, Helga thought. And finally, it came down to this...her family...or Arnold.

I've got to jump out, Helga decided; it's not like they'll ever care about anyone but Olga. But then again, I still love my parents. But how can I leave Arnold behind?

Helga stared out the window at the long road behind her, as if looking back on her past. Why couldn't she just have been nice to him? Then maybe he'd like her, and they could visit each other sometimes...or at least call each other once in a while.

Trees and bushes whizzed by. There was nothing interesting to see. She sighed. Who did she need more? Arnold, or her parents? Her parents could feed her food and give her something to wear...but Arnold was the only true person that could feed her hunger for love.

When they reached a rest stop, Big Bob and Miriam went in to use the restroom. Helga, too desperate to think straight, jumped out of the car and raced back down the road, anxious to keep her old life.

Helga wandered about, struggling to locate where she was. She looked around, trying to spot a nearby store. She realized she was in the middle of nowhere, walking along an empty dirt road. After what seemed like a few minutes, she realized that, to her surprise, she had lost track of time and it had been hours. Now she didn't even know which way to go.

Helga immediately realized what she'd done. "What was I thinking, ditching my parents like that? Did I think someone would offer me a home?" she said sarcastically. "Okay, get a grip, Helga. I'm sure they'll come looking for me. I'll just wait right here."

She sat down on the side of the road and tried to think straight. After hours of the sun beating down on her, she gave up and headed the opposite direction of her parents. "They obviously don't know where I am. I'll just try to find my way back home and get someone to help me. But how? How?"

She trotted aimlessly on. A few trucks passed, and, just as Helga was about to give up and try asking a stranger for a ride, she saw a store up ahead. "Maybe there's a map there!" she cried hopefully, picking up pace.

The bell rang as she opened the door and walked in. It was a little Mini-Mart. She made her way to the counter and asked the clerk if he knew the way to the nearest town.

"You lost, kid?" he said, taking a toothpick from his mouth.

"No, I'm just looking for the Easter bunny. Yes, I'm _lost_! Do you have a map or something?" she said impatiently.

"You can use a phone 'n' call ya par'nts."

"They're in their car right now, and they don't have a cell phone. Look, I'll handle this, ok?" she insisted, crossing her arms. "Just give me a map."

"Yeesh, talk about rude," she heard him mutter under his breath. He happened to have a desk behind the counter and opened one of the drawers. "Here's a map o' the surroundin' area."

She took it gratefully and left the store. "I must be here," she read aloud as she looked at the "YOU ARE HERE" sign on the map. "Which must mean _civilization _is that way."

Night approached, and it started to rain. At first it was a light, refreshing rain, but soon it became a heavy one, still increasing even more to nearly a downpour. Lightning flashed and thunder roared fiercely, piercing the sky in fury.

Helga, not wanting to get her map soaked, tucked it into her sleeve and searched for shelter. All she could see were trees. Lots and lots of trees. They weren't much of a protection against the lightning, but there was nothing else to keep her out of the rain. She sat beside its trunk and looked at her dress. She was drenched. She pulled out her map and hoped it wasn't too wet. Relieved, she discovered it was still possible to read.

She waited in the dark as the rain finally died down. Then she began walking further. Surely her parents would turn around and come back for her..._right?_

After what seemed like weeks and months and years, but was really only a few hours, Helga decided her parents weren't going to find her.

The time passed, and midnight approached. The stars were shining brightly in the sky, but other than that, it was pitch black and a little hard to see. After a while of joging, strolling, and running, she could see lights in the distance. They were city lights (cars, houses, street lamps, etc.).  
Helga sighed with relief. "At leasst I wasn't going the wrong direction. But yet, how do I know it's my city?" She shrugged. "Oh well. At least it's something."

She made her way further along the sidewalk and now the restaurants and stores came into view. It _was_ her home. She could tell by the houses and restaurants and the way they were lined up.

It was challenging to find her way back to her house in the dark. But finally, she rounded a corner and saw her home. She stepped up to the porch and hoped her parents had forgotten, in their wild rush, to lock the door. But there was no luck. It was locked.

She sighed and strided down the street, wondering why she'd been so stupid. She sat down next to a garbage can on the corner of the block and tried to fall asleep. But she just couldn't go to sleep at a time like this.

Finally, the street lights went out and the noises of cars passing became less and less. There was silence.

She glanced around, hoping there was a house with a light on. But there wasn't. Everyone was asleep. What was she going to do? She figured she'd think of something in the morning.

Helga blinked. The sun was shining brightly. She thought she must have drifted off, but wasn't quite sure. She was pretty well-rested, so she hopped to her feet and looked around. She was happy that everyone was awake again.

All the stores were open. _It must be nearly ten o'clock,_ Helga thought. "Maybe my parents are at their new house now," she said out loud. "I'll just go to a store, and ask for help."

Then she changed her mind. "Ah, what's the use? They can't help me. I'm sure my parents will come back here and find me eventually... How long it will take is the question..."

She sat down beside the trash can again and thought. The minutes rolled by. It became hotter and hotter the more the day dragged on.

Suddenly, she heard some familiar voices on the other side of the street. Two anxious boys rounded the corner.


	2. A New Home

**Chapter Two**

"I have got to see the baseball game!" someone exclaimed. "They have _Mickey Kaline_!" He had a red 33 shirt and tall, brown hair.

"Yeah, but how are we going to get the money?" the other one asked. This one had wide, tall, spiky yellow hair, a weird-shaped head, and was wearing a kilt.

"Helga, what are you doing sitting next to that trash can?" the second one asked.

"None o' your business, Football Head! Can't a kid sit on the sidewalk without being interrogated? Yeesh! What a couple of losers."

"Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You don't look so good. Come on, Gerald. We should probably be headed home. My grandma's cooking lunch about now."

"Your grandma?" He scrunched his face in disgust. "I think I'll just go home for lunch...but thanks for the invite."

As the two started to walk away, Helga mumbled, "Arnold...wait."

Concerned, he glanced back and asked, "Yeah?"

"I have something to tell you."

Puzzled, he said, "Okay..."

"My parents were...um...going to move, and for reasons I can't explain...let's just say, I...uh...ran off, and then I got lost, and..." Instead of going into detail, she shortened her story. "Anyway, I'm waiting for my parents to come and find me so they can take me to our new house, and I'm all alone...and...that's why I'm sitting here."

"No idea what she just said," Gerald muttered to himself.

"You were going to move?" Arnold said, shocked.

"Yeah...what's your point?" she huffed.

"No more insults," Gerald pointed out, and Helga raised an eyebrow at him. "No more shaking fists...no more throwing tapioca pudding on Arnold's shirt...no more marching around like the boss of the school...no more-"

Jumping to her feet, she shouted, "Why don't you shut up before I turn you _into _tapioca pudding, Tall Hair Boy!"

Gerald crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"I might be able to get my grandpa to rent you a room for a few nights in the boarding house," Arnold offered.

"Really?" She backed off of Gerald and smiled appreciatively. "Okay, I guess. Thanks."

Gerald's eyes widened in confusion. "But Arnold-look at your opportunity! No Helga... Why? I can't believe you just said that!" he squealed.

"Well we can't just leave her on the streets. What kind of awful person would do that?"

"Me," Gerald muttered. "You're a bold kid, Arnold," he spoke up as the two rounded the street corner.

"Oh, Arnold," Helga told her locket lovingly. "How I'm touched by your good will toward others. Even after I insult you and threaten your best friend, you still care when I'm in need. Oh. How I love your kind heart, your will to do the right thing for even those who don't deserve it. You always offer help, and put others ahead of yourself. And even the moments that I sneer at you, you still give me your most winning smile." She sighed and clutched her locket thankfully. "This is my chance! This is the moment I've been waiting for. The opportunity to finally be kind to you...to show you my affection. I can finally give to you what all these years you've given to me. And then and only then will you realize that I'm worth your time, and that you pine for me. I can finally make your little heart flutter when you look at me. Oh, Arnold, yes, the time has come!"

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Helga heard raspy breathing, and Brainy's head popped out of the trash can. Angered, she clenched a fist and smacked him hard in the nose.

Approximately ten minutes had gone by when Helga caught sight of Arnold heading toward her, no longer with Gerald. "My grandpa said it would be okay if you stayed in the room next to mine." Then he lowered his eyebrows at her and said firmly, "And you'd better not call me a single name. I'm being really nice to you, and I'm not particularly sure about this. You'd better be the sweetest you've ever been, and don't make the other boarders mad."

"Whatever, Football Head. Let's just get this over with. Because when my parents come to pick me up, I'm gonna be really happy I never have to see you EVER again."

"And I don't feel any differently toward you," Arnold shot back.

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

Arnold and Helga trotted to Arnold's boarding house in their typical argumentative mood, and it wasn't exactly the romantic day Helga had been planning...


	3. Introduced to the Boarders

**Chapter Three**

"What on earth is your grandma doing?" Helga demanded.

"Don't ask. It's her special recipe." Arnold's grandma was slicing watermelon with her hand and adding dead flies for extra seeds.

"You mean we're gonna eat that?" Helga cried out in horror.

"Arnold, you're home. And there's your little girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend," he mumbled through gritted teeth.

"Time for your lesson on karate. First, you must eye the prey. Watch and memorize its every move. Be the creature. Know what it will do next. Then strike!" She squashed the fly and tasted it. "Hmm, needs a touch of salt."

Gagging, Helga raced into the bathroom to barf.

Suddenly, Arnold's grandpa stepped into the kitchen. "What's wrong with your little girlfriend?"

"She's throwing up."

"What did I tell you, Shortman? Never eat watermelon."

Helga threw open the bathroom door and marched up the flight of stairs in the boarding house. "Okay, where's my room?" she sighed.

The moment they arrived in Helga's new room, she unloaded her clothes all over her bed, scanning the place. The walls were sky blue, bordered with red flowers, and the floor was covered in a soft, navy blue carpet.

"It's a new room. My grandpa just recently hired some people to work on it," Arnold announced. "Anyway, finish unpacking and meet the boarders downstairs at five for dinner."

"Fine. Just make sure you don't get in my way once this whole visit. I wasn't planning on getting stuck with you and your stupid boarding house. You'd better not follow me or ask any questions, and most importantly, don't even THINK about getting all mushy."

"Don't worry. I wouldn't." Rolling his eyes, he closed the door behind her and left Helga sitting all alone in her new room.

"Oh, Arnold, why must I say such hurtful words? If I can't be kind to you, why must I open my mouth at all? That's it. From this moment forth, I will make your visit with me a wonderful experience, and whatever harsh thoughts that I may have will stay to myself, and my lips will be sealed. I've always waited for the day you and I could be together, living under the same roof, and I won't ruin it with my rotten remarks!"

Throwing open her own bedroom door, she made her way up the steps to Arnold's room and pounded on his. He twisted the knob and peeked out. "What do you want, Helga? Let me guess, to shout mean names and tell me how I'm doing everything wrong?"

"Actually...I...um...just wanted to say that..." _This is it, Helga. Spill it. Just say you love him! _she thought in a sweat. "I just wanted to remind you that I hate your guts and I'll be really happy when you're gone!"

'I thought we agreed not to bug each other! And for your information, I could say just the same about you!"

Furious, she slammed the door and trotted into her room. Plopping onto her bed, she groaned and kicked her suitcase in frustration.

"When will I confess my true feelings to he whom I admire so much? When will I stop taunting and teasing my beloved, and when, oh when, will he, if ever, return my strong feelings of adoration? Will I forever harbor these thoughts and feelings at the bottom of my heart?"

Suddenly, Brainy popped out from underneath the bed. Too shocked to whack him, she leapt backward. "Okay, Brainy, I can understand stalking me from around the corner, or even hiding in a dumpster, but WHAT in the WORLD are you doing hiding under my bed? Why do you follow me so much? Are you just waiting for the perfect evidence of my love for Arnold so you can tell the world?"

But Brainy didn't answer. Instead, breathing heavily, he tiptoed into the hallway and quietly closed the door. Helga shook her head. "Weird kid."


	4. Dinner

**Chapter Four**

"Why, here's your dinner, Arnold. And Helga, aren't you just the sweetest thing?"

"Arnold, tell your grandma to put a cork in it," she mumbled, and Arnold frowned at her.

"Um, Grandma, there's a, um, sock in my soup." Arnold gagged as he took the tip of the fuzzy sock and pulled it out of his tomato soup, setting it carefully on the table by his plate.

"Oh, I'm remember now. Sorry, Arnold. I was having Kokoshka over here give me a nice foot massage-" Ernie explained.

"Yes, and if he hadn't offered a good twenty bucks for it, I wouldn't have even considered rubbing his grimy little toes."

"Anyway, I took my sock off and it must have landed in the soup. No big deal. A little hair won't hurt a fly."

"But your grandma will," Helga mumbled. Suddenly, she felt a tickle on her leg. She glanced under the table and found Abner. "Arnold, why is your muddy little pig sniffing my leg?"

Arnold laughed. "He likes you."

"Well tell him I DON'T LIKE HIM!"

"Okay, Abner, here, have my soup. Now get out of her, buddy. Shoo." He led Abner out of the dining room and set the soup outside.

"I can't believe I was eating hair and flies! YUCK!"

"Well, get used to it," Arnold shot back, "because you live here now."

"I'd rather eat old hamburgers out of a dumpster outside, Arnoldo!"

"Then go live outside and get out of my life," he mumbled.

Helga looked at him, shocked and enfuriated, and then turned away, trying to hide her guilt.

"Ha ha ha," Arnold's grandma laughed. "I remember when I was your age. Always going around scowling at everyone-"

"Grandma, you remembered something!" Arnold cried, shocked.

"Oh, yes, Arnold, I remember everything. Or do I? I don't remember. Anyway, I was so harsh. I used to play pranks on everybody, yell and scream and try to get my way, shake a fist at everyone that walked by... I was such a sweet little girl. Heck, there was one boy I particularly picked on, and he absolutely hated my guts. I wanted to tell him I liked him, but everytime I tried, I chickened out and started screaming at him and saying mean things."

Helga looked up, surprised. "Really? You did that?"

"Oh yes, all the time. Eventually, I got around to telling him."

"You _told_ him? What was his reaction? Did he tell the whole school and you were the laughing stock for a year? Did you lock yourself up in your room and swear never to go back to school again?"

"Oh no. In fact, it went the other way."

"We got married," Arnold's grandpa finished for her.

Arnold choked on his milk, splattering it all over his plate. "YOU were the one Grandma picked on! And YOU were the one Grandpa was telling me about a long time ago!"

They nodded.

"And, Grandpa, you got MARRIED the girl that was always picking on you and making you mad!"

"Well, Shortman, I realized that sometimes how people act on the outside isn't always how they really are on the inside. She was really sweet deep down and cared about me a lot. I found out that when I needed help, she was always there to help me out, even though I hadn't noticed at first. She got older and more mature, and I found out how sweet she could be, and we got married."

Arnold's jaw dropped and he glanced at Helga in utter disbelief. "What?" she snarled, like nothing had happened.

"This has been a very inspiring story," Mr. Hyunh pitched in.

"Yes, very inspiring. I'm going to go to the baseball game next Saturday," Oscar announced. "Who wants to come?"

"I'll come," Ernie offered. "It's been awhile since the last time I sat in the stadium and ate hot dogs."

"Great. Then it's settled. We'll all go watch the baseball game and Ernie will pay."


	5. Mysterious Kid

**Chapter Five**

Sunday night, Arnold and his grandpa were loading the washing machine with clothes for the following day.

"Grandpa, are you seriously telling me that it was _Grandma _who was always sticking tacs on your chair, and stomping over you and your friend's games, and making fun of you? _Grandma? _And you _married _her?" His face was twisted in shock and disbelief and he almost dropped the basket upside down.

"Oh, Shortman, you act like it's such a big surprise. We were kiddies back then--heck, we didn't even know left from right in my day. We eventually worked out our differences and realized we'd been in love all along. Maybe you and the little girl with the unibrow and the pigtails will do the same."

"_What? _Me and..._Helga? _I _doubt _that's ever going to happen." Arnold rolled his eyes and threw the last big pile of clothes in the washing machine, slammed the lid shut and turned the knob, and then turned to his grandpa. "She hates me! And I'm not particularly fond of her either."

"There are two things you should know about girls that act big and tough and scowl at everyone that walks past them. The first thing is that it's not always because they hate you. Sometimes they're insecure and don't really know how to act. Sometimes they want to be nice, and try to be nice, but are afraid of your reaction. The second thing is that they're awful cooks. So hire a chef!"

"But Grandpa, Helga's not afraid of anything. She's..._Helga!_ And she picks on everyone, but me especially. I don't know what I ever did to her!"

"Maybe it's not what you did _to _her. Maybe it's what you did _for _her. Oh," he added with a groan, "Maybe eating that three week old sandwich was a bad idea. If you need me, I'll be in my office. Knock first!"

Arnold watched him go and then made his way upstairs to his room to get ready for bed.

The next morning, Arnold walked to school in the pounding, showering rain, as his grandparents had had to leave for the dentist early in the morning to get a new set of teeth. Arnold hadn't needed to take a shower that morning...he'd just brought the shampoo with him. Helga trailed along not far behind, and for the most part the two didn't say anything to each other.

Helga went inside and glanced up and down the P.S.118 hallways to see if she could find Phoebe anywhere, but was greeted by Rhonda instead. "So, Helga, I heard your parents lost you on the trip to your new city. It's too bad...the school could've been peaceful for once."

Helga growled under her breath. "I advise you shut your trap right now, _Rhonda, _before I have to shut it _for _you."

"I _also _heard you had to turn to your last resort...living with _Arnold!" _She howled mercilessly and gripped her stomach. "Won't it be _fun _to live with your _worst nightmare_?"

"Oh, don't even!" she snapped in return. "You know you had to once too--because you were _poor_, and don't even_ try_ to denyit!"

"Times have changed. That was long ago...this is now. And this little story has already spread throughout the whole school!"

Meanwhile, Arnold had run into Harold.

"So, I heard you're living with _Helga!_ Oooooh, YUMMY! Living under the same roof with your treasured soulmate. How _romantic_! AH HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Yeah, Helga _Pataki!" _Stinky pitched in.

"I heard when she gets mad enough, her eyes go pitch black and she transforms into a vicious beast that snaps her jaw and tries taking bites out of people. Is is true, Arnold?" Sid added with eager, glowing eyes.

"Cut it out, you guys," he replied flatly and kept on walking.

The three followed. "So, did anything _happen_?" Harold teased.

"I bet you kissed her and you're just not telling us!" Sid agreed.

"Yeah," Stinky said in his southern accent.

Arnold turned around and looked them in the eye. "Stop it. Now."

"We sorry, Arnold. We's just havin' a little fun; that's all," Stinky said.

"Yeah, we didn't mean anything by it," said Sid. "It's not like you'd _actually _like _Helga Pataki._ I mean, who would?"

"Come on, you guys. Let's go," Harold said as he gestured a hand for them to follow. "He's no fun."

Arnold shook his head and bent down to get a drink out of the water fountain. Much to his surprise (even though it shouldn't have been), Helga was standing behind him. Arnold felt a cold splash of water in his face and saw Helga pushing down on the nozzle and squirting water everywhere.

Arnold frowned and looked up, about to tell her to cut it out and demand to know why she was such a jerk; then changed his mind. He had a better plan.

"Oh, did you want a turn? Here you go, Helga," he offered and stood back.

She raised a half of her eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Pppffhh! Yeah, whatever, sure Arnold. Nice try. And real clever. Play the same prank right back at me."

"Not at all, Helga. It's just that, if you wanted a turn, you could've asked. I'd be happy to share the water." Arnold kept a straight face. Little did Helga know, he was testing her.

Flattered, her face relaxed and she almost smiled a little, but quickly covered it up by rolling her eyes, and then bent down to get a drink.

All of a sudden, Lila walked up and tapped Arnold on the shoulder. "Hello, Arnold. I've been thinking ever so deeply the past few weeks, and, well, I've realized something..." She snuggled up to him. "I'm in love with you, Arnold. I know I said I didn't like you like you--I just liked you, and well, that's changed...maybe we can just start this whole thing over."

Arnold held up a hand. "I'm sorry, Lila. You had your chance. I've also been thinking, and I'm in love with Helga."

"You are?" Helga gasped, looking up.

"Yes, my darling," he replied, and they wrapped their arms around each other. Lila burst out in tears.

Or, at least, that's what Helga was thinking about as she sipped her water. She just smiled to herself.

It was actually Gerald that walked up and tapped Arnold on the shoulder. "Hey, Arnold! Man, guess what? I just asked Phoebe out!"

Helga choked on her water and looked up. "_What?_ Where _is_ Phoebe?"

"Oh, she's in the cafeteria. Anyway, I asked her in a real smooth, cool tone, and she just giggled and said she'd love to!"

But Helga wasn't interested. Instead, she immediately interrupted, "Did you tell her I haven't moved yet? Does she know I'm here? Where is she?"

Gerald sighed and turned away from Arnold to answer Helga. "I said she's in the cafeteria, and yes, I told her. She wanted to know where you were, but I didn't know."

Helga hurried toward the cafeteria and scanned the huge crowd. Shuffling through the swarms of people, she finally spotted Phoebe staring dreamily at the ceiling and called out, "Yo, Pheebs!"

"Helga?" she said, turning in the direction of the sound. "Helga!" Phoebe ran toward her and gave her a hug. "I heard all about it...you got left behind--I'm so sorry!"

"Yeah, sure. Why didn't you tell me you liked Tall Hair Boy?"

"I don't know..." She trailed off. "I didn't really realize it, I guess. Well, maybe a little. But I didn't think you'd really care to know."

"Of course I _cared to know_. It's just a _little ironic_!"

"What is, Helga?" Phoebe blinked curiously.

"I...well...you know...that I...and that you...and we both...oh, nevermind."

"So Helga...are you living with Arnold now?" Phoebe asked, barely above a whisper.

"Ppssh! Yeah, and we can't get along. The food is disgusting, the boarders are even dopier than he is, the room is tiny and the bed's not comfortable, and don't even get me _started_ on Arnold's _grandma_."

"Wow, Helga. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate."

"Yeah, I do. I mean, all I did was scowl at him and insult the boarders a few times. What's so bad about that? He just gets all mad and leaves and ignores me the rest of the night!"

"Well, Helga, I mean...you've been mean to him since pre-school, even after he complimented your bow, offered you an umbrella, and gave you his crackers, and now, so you won't be on the streets, alone in the rain, because your parents aren't responsible enough to come back and get you, he offers you a home in _his_ boarding house even though he knows you'll make him miserable and the other boarders furious...so _you_ will be happy."

Helga crossed her arms. "Whose side are you on?"

"Yours, Helga. Sometimes I think you'd be better off if you were too."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Helga huffed. "What? You think I'm not on my own side? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!"

"Helga...you want to be nice to Arnold, so he will see that you have a heart instead of just a black space...well, this could be the only chance you get. If he does this huge thing for you, and all he gets is what he figured, he's going to give up. He'll probably never consider doing anything for you ever again. I think he has a feeling that inside you really care about people, and I think that's what he wants to uncover. So how about show him the side I know you've shown me, your best friend?"

Helga just blinked. "But--"

"I have to go to class. I know you'll do the right thing, Helga." She turned off and headed down the hallway for class.

"Oh, come on! Now you sound like Arnold! Do you _actually _think I'll do the right thing? Phoebe! Phoebe! Get back here right now!" Helga sighed and threw herself into one of the lunchroom chairs next to a nerdy kid. The kid looked up at her quietly and curiously. "What?" she demanded, and he quickly went back to his assignment.

Helga sat there tapping her fingers on the table, rocking her chair, and kicking her heels on the ground. "Oh...I should...she's probably right...but I can't...what if I didn't? What if I did? What do I do? Grrrrrrr..."

The kid looked up again, and this time spoke up. "Looks like you need a little professional help. I'm good with that kind of stuff," he said with a wink and tipped back in his chair a little, spinning a keychain around his finger. "Come on, throw it on me. Pour your heart and soul into my trusted hands," he offered.

"What is your problem, FREAK? I don't even _know_ you!"

"But you need some help. And my psychic senses are telling me you haven't got your parents to ask."

Helga narrowed her eyebrow. "What? What gives you that idea?"

"Hon, I got my ways. My senses are telling me...there's a boy...mmm...yes..." The kid was rubbing his temples with his eyes closed. "You're always picking on him...uh-huh, yep...he's becoming clear in my mind...yellow hair...weird-shaped head...hey, I know that kid!"

"What are you DOING!" Helga slapped him across the face. "Think you can use your psychic abilities to look into my private life? And don't call me hon!"

"Here's my advice, kid. Don't tell him. Whatever you do, don't tell him, cause he'll freak out and think you're sick and disgusting. DO NOT TELL HIM. That would ruin everything..."

"Yeah, like I'm actually gonna do that!" she said sarcastically.

"Good, good..."

"Yeah, I...uh, think I'm gonna go now," she said awkwardly, and got up to leave. As she was heading out the cafeteria doors, she ran into someone and they were both sent shooting to the ground.

"Hey, watch it, Mrs. Goody Two Shoes!" she snapped at Lila.

"Oh, hello, Helga. It's ever-so-nice to know that you won't be leaving after all. I noticed you sitting over there, and couldn't help but ask who you were talking to?"

"Don't know...never met him before. But let me tell ya, he's a real freak."

After staring a moment, Lila said, "Oh, I think I faintly recognize him. Isn't that Tony Smith?"

"Tony..._Smith?_ Who on earth is that? Does he even GO here?"

"I'm ever so certain he does, Helga. He's sort of a quiet boy, so not many notice him--"

"Pssh! Whatever...Brainy doesn't ever talk, and I notice him. Or maybe that's just because he spies on me day in and day out," she scoffed, rolling her eyes as she started off.

"Like when you talk to Arnold's locket?" she whispered and winked.

Helga whirled around to face her. "What! What do you mean--where'd you get THAT idea! Have you been WATCHING me!" she roared, infuriated. "Or did Brainy tell you? If you even THINK about telling him, I swear I'll choke you until you're sorry you'd ever been born!"

Lila looked at her, surprised, and then smiled sweetly. "I would never go so far as to even consider the idea, Helga."

Satisfied, Helga relaxed and dropped Old Betsy to her side, because she knew Lila wasn't one to spread secrets. "And from now on, watch where you're goin'!" she snapped, and then walked off to class. But as she got to thinking, she wondered just who this Tony Smith was, and how he seemed to know her so well..


	6. Arnold Flips His Lid

**Chapter Six**

Helga wandered the halls of the boarding house that night mumbling to herself when she stumbled upon a room she hadn't noticed before. The sign on the door read, "KEEP OUT."

"Hey Arnoldo!" she called up the stairs to his room, and he came out to see what she wanted. "Who stays in here? All your dumb friends came out of those rooms, down the hall."

"Oh, that's Mr. Smith, the mysterious boarder. He pays extra, so he gets to have his food specially delivered to him, and he never lets anyone see his room. Once Gerald and I heard there was a package for Mr. Smith, and we drove ourselves crazy to find out what was inside it. We found out it was just a picture of us with the words, 'My Family,' written on it. I've never seen his face."

"Mr..._Smith_?"

Arnold nodded and left. Mr...Smith. Somehow that name rang a bell. "There are a lot of Smiths in the world," Helga muttered to herself, but she couldn't resist. She attempted to turn the doorknob, but, before she could even discover it was locked, a sound like a siren wailed deafeningly.

"What's that noise?" Mrs. Vitello groaned from down the street.

"I can hardly wrap the meat!" Mr. Green shouted angrily.

Helga, with her hands on her ears, shot off down the hallway.

"Helga, what did you do?" Arnold tried to yell over the noise. "Did you open Mr. Smith's door?"

"Well, I tried, Football Head, but--"

The noise died off and everyone sighed with relief and unplugged their ears. "Helga, it's no use. You're not going to find anything out about Mr. Smith. Gerald and I already tried that." There was irritation in his tone.

"But Arnold--" she insisted.

"No, Helga. Cut it out, ok? You're only staying here for a few days and then you'll be gone...for good. I couldn't figure out who he is; there is _no way _you can. And ever since you got here all you've been doing is insulting my grandma's food, screaming at my pig, and saying how stupid I was. All you ever do is make people mad and cause trouble. You'll never do anything right and the only person you care about is yourself!" Then he slammed his bedroom door in her face and immediately felt terrible for what he'd said.

But Helga was feeling worse. Tears welled in her eyes and she struggled to hold them back. She charged into her bedroom and threw herself on her bed. "Oh, buck up, Helga!" she scolded herself, feeling foolish. "No football head's going to make a Pataki break out in tears." She had pushed Arnold to meet his bad side, something barely anyone could ever do. And suddenly she wished she had just been willing to move.

Later that night Arnold approached Helga's room and knocked on the door. Then he slowly opened it. "...Helga?" he said when he saw her sitting on her bed fingering with a pen. "Um...about earlier, look, I went overboard. I didn't really mean all those things I said about you...I just...got mad. I'm sorry...really."

"No, Arnold, you were right. I am always trying to pick a fight with you...and everyone else. So...I'm sorry."

He blinked twice, stunned. But then he just smiled. "Truce?"

She sighed. "Fine, truce."

But little did they know, their adventures were just beginning.


	7. The Plan

**Chapter Seven**

That night, Helga felt restless as she went over the day's misfortunes. She climbed out of bed and decided to go for a short walk. The night air was cool and refreshing and the stars shimmered in the navy blue sky. As she made her way down the sidewalk she spotted a man dressed in an overcoat with a hood that covered his eyes whispering to a woman across the street. The woman was wearing dark sunglasses and had a clipboard in her hand. Curious, she dashed behind a bush about ten feet away and listened carefully.

"What should we do with them now?" the woman said in a low voice, shifting her eyes from side to side to see if anyone was watching.

"It's all going according to planned. They're captured and it's only a matter of time before we take over the green-eyed people and then wipe them out and steal their land. Our people have been in a feud with their people for generations, ever since they beat us in that battle fifty years ago for the treasure that WE discovered. They thought it was theirs just because it was on their territory!" He shook his head, disgusted. "Stella and her ancestors have been on their side, but now Stella and Miles are locked away...sweet revenge...my great grandfather would be so proud."

The woman nodded. "And then that stupid football-headed kid won't follow in their footsteps," she whispered. "Because his grandparents on his father's side don't really know what the two have been up to all these years, and so Arnold will never figure it out. Mr. Andrew Smith, you are a genius." (Note to readers: I don't really know his first name. I just used the name "Andrew" so she could call him by his first name because she knows him personally.)

"The only thing I'm worried about is that dumb pig-tailed girl. Tony's been watching her--she's in love with Arnold, and the kid's a genius in disguise. Now that she's living in the boarding house, I'm afraid she's going to catch on to our plan and reveal us. She tried breaking into my room today, and I think she's suspicious. I've got to get rid of her, before she confesses her love to Arnold and he decides to like her back and she stays here forever and they discover our plan. And if Arnold knows what we're up to, he WILL fix it. I'm trying to find her parents and get her out of Hillwood and out of the city before she destroys everything we've worked for."

Helga gasped under her breath, and suddenly everything was clear to her. She had to tell Arnold...she had to help him...but first, she needed some proof. She waited until they had left and then dashed across the street and around the corner to the boarding house when she ran into someone. It was pitch black and she couldn't tell who it was until she heard his raspy breathing.


	8. What No One Ever Saw

**Chapter Eight**

"BRAINY? What are you DOING? You scared me to death! Are you following me again!"

He tilted his head around the corner to see if anyone was coming. "I...uh...know what you're doing."

"Did you just SPEAK to me!" she said, stunned, but he grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her into a back alley.

"I...um..."--snork--"...know what they're up to." His voice was extremely dull and Helga thought she hadn't heard one like it in her life.

"Pssh, what, were you spying on them, just like you do me?"

He nodded.

Then her sarcastic look faded and she asked seriously, "What are we going to do? I already tried breaking into his room...the security's too high!"

He shook his head and snorked again. "Not if you know the right techniques."

Helga followed Brainy back to the boarding house and the front door creaked quietly. The two tiptoed up the stairs, this time Helga in the lead, and Brainy followed, watching her dreamily. She was so brave and if she wanted something, she wasn't afraid to go out and get it. He knew how much she loved Arnold and he knew it was only the right thing to do to help her save his parents.

"This is his room," she said as they approached door #16. Suddenly, they heard footsteps coming up the stairs. "Hide!" she exclaimed, and the two charged into Helga's bedroom and opened the door a few inches to watch.

Mr. Smith was heading toward his room. "Shh, shh, shh," Helga warned and Brainy held his breath. They watched and it was so quiet a pin could be heard miles away. He meant to drop the key back into the deep pocket, but instead, it fell on the floor by his feet.

Sweat trickled down Helga's forehead as she watched nervously, hoping he would not notice. Mr. Smith opened the door just a crack and slipped into his bedroom in such a way no one could see around him even if there was anyone still awake...which there was, but he didn't know that. He closed the door behind him and it made the faintest click...and then...nothing.

"Go for it!" Helga whisper-shouted, but Brainy held her back.

"No. Wait." He looked both ways down the hall and then, slowly and steadily, they may their way toward the door. Brainy listened carefully, and, when he heard a quiet snoring sound, he nodded at Helga. She picked up the key, impressed at his cautiousness.

"But if we try to unlock it the sirens will go off," she insisted, but he just shook his head. Brainy got on his hands and knees and groped for something.

"Why are you sniffing the floor?" Helga huffed, rolling her eyes. "Shouldn't you be doing something productive?"

Suddenly, his hand rolled over a bump. "Give me the key," he mumbled, and she wasn't sure exactly what he was doing but handed it to him anyway. Carefully, he put the key into a keyhole on the floor and lifted a... "Floorboard! Well where does it lead to?"

"Under the floor," he answered, and she suddenly felt stupid. "We can cut the wires and turn off the security."

"He built wires under the floor?" Helga was astonished, dismayed at Brainy's abilities. "How did you figure that out! Brainy, you are a true genius."

He smiled and his stomach swarmed with butterflies.

"Now I know why they call you Brainy. What is your real name, anyway?"

"Um..."--snork--"...I don't know..."

Helga frowned. "You don't know your own name?"

"You're the first person that's ever asked that, actually...no one ever really cared. Even Arnold, the guy that helps and notices everybody, I don't think even knows I exist."

Then something dawned on Helga. This kid wasn't just a walking dummy--he really had feelings. And he was willing to help people that never lifted a finger for him...or lifted five fingers and whacked him in the nose...

"But didn't your parents ever tell you your name...or something?"

He shook his head. "They don't care. The only person they care about is my older brother."

"Wow. You and I have been living the same life."

"I know. But you're not afraid to defend yourself. I don't even like to talk to people cause I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. I wish I was more like you."

Another realization hit her. All her life she had wanted to be like Olga, or Lila, or Arnold...but here someone was, someone who all her life she had thought nothing of, wanting to be...her? And as much as she got ignored at home, no one ignored her at school...who could ignore Helga G. Pataki? But Brainy never had anyone to talk to.

"I need some scissors," he said, changing the subject. "Some wire-cutter scissors. Do you have any?"

"There are some out in the garage. I'll go get them."

Helga brought back the wire-cutters and Brainy carefully snipped all the wires in half and placed the floorboard back. Then he handed the key back to her and she unlocked the door. The two silently crept into the dark room and accidentally slammed it. Mr. Smith stirred and mumbled to himself, and Helga gasped and pulled Brainy to the floor. When all was quiet again, Helga whispered, "What are we supposed to do? We have to get Mr. Smith out of here."

"We'll hide and then wait until morning when he leaves for the day's agenda. I'll follow him and see if I can get more information, and you search the room."

"Oh..." she moaned under her breath. "Mr. Simmons isn't going to like us not showing up for school."

"We don't have a choice. Lives are at stake here."

"You know, in a weird way you kind of sound like Arnold."

They crawled into a corner and slipped under a desk, where they waited until morning.


	9. Finders Keepers

**Chapter Nine**

The sun was peeking out from behind the hills, and Helga thought it must have been five o'clock in the morning when Brainy shook her and woke her up. She had dozed off and was dreaming about floating on a cloud with Arnold when she heard a voice in her ear. Finding a puddle of saliva just below her chin, she looked up and saw Brainy beside her, suddenly remembering what was going on. That's when Helga got a good look at the place. It was the most enormous room she had ever seen, with spyware on the shelves, a refrigerator, a plasma screen TV, and a stereo system. The bed, which was to the left of her, she estimated had to be double a king-sized bed. And the room led to other rooms, such as a kitchen and an office. Helga hadn't realized the boarding house was that big. _Geez, _she thought, _why doesn't he just buy a house? _But then she remembered his mission: spying on Arnold.

Brainy pointed and they both watched Mr. Smith yawn and climb out of bed. Still in his pajamas, he put his overcoat on and brushed his teeth and combed his hair. Then, silent as a mouse, he left the room, and then Brainy scurried after, holding his breath. He was so secretive, and yet his darn breathing always got in the way...

Helga waited for both of them to leave and climbed out from underneath the desk, stretching. "I have muscle and neck cramps, I'm exhausted, my head feels like it's been run over by a truck, and my legs are asleep, and I do all of this for Arnold and what do I get in return? He likes people like Lila and Ruth McDougal! I'm NEVER sleeping under a desk again."

She strolled through the rooms to see what she could find. Everything seemed normal...nothing out of place. She shuffled through the drawers, and as she approached the office, one caught her eye. The note on the drawer read: "THE PLAN".

"Hmm..." Helga opened the drawer and found a folder of files. In front of the folder was a picture that looked like it had been ripped in half and torn down the middle, entitled "My Family," and suddenly Helga knew what Arnold was talking about. Curious, she flipped the picture over, and on the back, there was a little note. "I've informed my family of the secret plan to defeat the green-eyed, and they're all in on it. I'm watching over the one with the weird, football shaped head. He's our captives' son, and we have to keep him, his grandparents, and the rest of the boarders ignorant. Did you get the copy of the whole plan? Please reply A.S.A.P. and have this message returned. IT ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT REACH THE HANDS OF ANYONE BUT YOU AND ME. I REPEAT, LET THIS REACH NO ONE OUTSIDE OUR INNER CIRCLE. I'll meet you you know where at five." There was a reply saying, "I've got the copy, and don't worry, it's covered. This will reach no one but you. Talk to you soon."

Helga gasped. Suddenly, it was clear to her. "My Family," was not describing the picture, but instead, introducing the message on the back. And Arnold and Gerald and all the boarders, in all their excitement, had MISSED the message on the back! She had no idea how old the note was...what if it was too late? But she had to show Arnold, and quick!

She dashed through the room and was just reaching for the doorknob when she saw it turn and the door opened.


	10. Face the Truth

**Chapter Ten**

"Brainy! You scared me half to death; I thought you were Mr. Smith!"

"Sorry," he said. "Did you find anything?"

"Yeah, I found this!" She waved the picture in his face and he took it and eyed it, flipping it over to read the note on the back side.

"Where'd you get it?"

She led him to the office where she showed him the "THE PLAN" drawer and he opened it curiously. Then he pulled out the folder and held it up. "You forgot this."

She gasped. "Brainy, how'd you--I mean, I didn't realize--"

"Don't mention it. I thought there had to be more than a picture."

"We better get out before he gets back," she warned.

"I'm going to show Arnold," she said once they were safely out of the room and down the hallway. Turning her head as she spoke, she found Brainy had disappeared.

"Brainy?" Helga shrugged and darted up the stairs to Arnold's door. Without knocking, she threw the door open. "Arnold! I have to talk to you right now!"

"Come on, Helga, don't start. We already struck a truce, remember?" Arnold had been staring at the clouds through his glass ceiling and sat up to see what she wanted.

"No, you don't understand--this is serious! I know what Mr. Smith has been up to. Look!" Helga plunged toward his bed, plopped down, and handed him the picture.

Arnold examined it, his eyes widening in disbelief. "Where'd you find this? This is Mr. Smith's picture! And here's the line down the middle where we accidentally ripped it and tried to tape it back together. How'd you get ahold of this?"

"You ripped it? I wonder why he didn't get suspicious...maybe he thought his friend did it..." She was mostly talking to herself, but Arnold cut her off.

"What friend?"

She bit her lip nervously. "Flip it over."

"What? Flip--"

"Look on the back side."

"There's something on the back side?" He turned it over, stunned. "You've got to be kidding me--how did you--Helga! Gerald and I didn't know there was a back side!"

"Read it," she said with a gulp.

His eyes scrolled over the words and at each word became wider. Then he looked up at Helga. "You mean--"

"I overheard him talking last night, Arnold. He's been in a feud with the green-eyed people for half a century, and he's holding your parents captive so he can defeat them!"

"And the only reason he's living here--"

"--is to spy on you! Exactly!"

Arnold rubbed his eyes as he stared at the piece of paper in shock. "If this is some dumb prank, I--"

She gave him a steady look. "No, Arnold. This time I'm telling the truth. I swear."

"How'd you get this, though? Did you break into his room? How'd you do it?" he demanded, utterly amazed.

"I had a little help...from a friend."

"Do you have anything else?"

She handed him the folder. "There's this...but I haven't looked through it yet."

He quickly flipped through the pages. "This is our answer! I can finally find my parents! The day I've always been waiting for! Come on, Helga. We've got work to do. We're calling in sick."


	11. The Adventure Begins

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"We don't have time to stall, Helga. It could already be too late. I did it once before. Watch."

BRIIIIING. BRIIIIIING.

"Hello? Principal Wartz? This is Arnold's grandpa. Arnold ate a seven week old sandwich and got sick, so he'll be home for a few days. Man, I was savin' that..."

Then he hung up the phone and Helga's jaw dropped. "You sounded just like your grandpa! How--"

"Now for your call." He dialed the school's number and said, "This is Big Bob Pataki from Bob's Beeper Emporium. Buy a beeper! Oh yeah, and Helga'll be gone from school today. She caught the measles," in Helga's dad's voice.

When Helga found her jaw was still hanging open, she slammed it shut with her hand.

Arnold turned around and crossed his arms. "Say it."

"Say what?"

"You know what," he said, smiling triumphantly.

"All right, fine," she sighed. "Nice skills, and you're not such a loser after all."

"Thank you. Now, come on. I can already tell it's going to be a really long day."

"How should you know where we're going? I've got all the information."

"Well then, what information have you got?" Arnold demanded impatiently, and she grinned.

"It's in storage."

"What?" Confusion was written all over his face as he looked at her. "What's in storage, and what storage place?"

Helga tapped her fingers together. "First we have to find him."

As she started off down the sidewalk, Arnold followed hurriedly, puzzled. "Who's _him_?"

"You'll see."

Arnold followed Helga as she charged down the street toward P.S. 118. "Wait, what are you doing? _School_? What's going on?"

"We have to go in and get someone," Helga explained, out of breath from the run. "He's in class right now."

"Wait a minute-we can't do that; we called in sick, remember?" Arnold was becoming anxious. "You have measles and I'm at home throwing up!"

"I know, but we have to get inside without anyone noticing. Look, you can stay out here if you want, but I'm going in. We've got lives to save, and quite frankly, getting detention for a few days is the least of my problems."

As soon as he heard these words, Arnold felt like he was meeting a new person...seeing a totally different side of her. A side that was brave and confident, a side that was willing to take risks to help others. And for the first time in his life, he actually admired her.

"No. I'm coming. Let's do this."

The two were making their way up the stairs and toward the front doors when Helga stopped in her footsteps as she realized something. "We can't go in the main doors. We have to go through the playground and avoid the hall monitor. Then somehow we have to get to Mr. Simmon's class and get Brainy's attention without anyone else knowing. Hmm...this is going to be a challenge."

"Wait a minute..._Brainy_? But how..."

"You'd be surprised. Brainy isn't as dumb as a log after all. He actually has thoughts and feelings...and an interesting home life. It's just, no one really ever bothered to care."

"Oh..." Arnold was suddenly really ashamed of himself. "But you...and I didn't...but _you_...?"

Helga smirked. "Yeah, I talked to him. He's got some pretty good skills, too. He was the one who got us into Mr. Smith's room and got the information. His detective work's not half bad."

"Wow...I just..."

"Never thought that the quiet, boring kid that hid in the shadows might actually care he doesn't have any friends?"

"I...guess not."

"Geez, Arnoldo, with a head that size I figured you'd have a brain to go with it," Helga teased, and Arnold laughed, and then, she added, "Actually, I didn't either."

There was silence for a few moments, and then Helga cried, "Well, are we just going to stand here moping or are we going to save your parents?"

"All right, what's the plan?" Arnold said with a grin.

"Ain't got one. Wait a minute...yo, kid!" she called out to a third grader, and he turned around. "Want to make ten bucks?"

His lips curled in an ugly smile that showed his awful, crooked teeth. "Yeah!" he exclaimed, and rushed toward her.

"You know Mr. Simmons?"

"Yeah, isn't he the fourth grade teacher?"

"Sure is. Know where his room is?"

"Yeah, yeah!"

"Have you seen the bald kid with the squarish face?"

"I think so! Isn't he that one with the snorting problem?"

"Sure is. Go to Mr. Simmon's room and tell that kid he has a message in the attendance office. Here's ten bucks. Now go!"

The third grader eagerly accepted the ten dollar bill and charged into the school.

Helga turned to Arnold and grinned proudly. "I know. I'm good."


End file.
